currently

Listening to: Gage's white noise machine coming from the bedroom and the birds chirping outside the window, & the Keurig making me a single warm yummy goodness. It's a quite spring morning here at the Smothers. In the past, I would have the Today Show going, maybe some music from Pandora playing. But here lately I have been craving silence. Very rarely do I even turn the TV on during the day, unless Gage watches Bubble Guppies or another one of his shows. This morning, the silence is so peaceful to me. I can hear my own thoughts and am preparing my heart for the day ahead.

Oh, and as far as music goes I'm digging Chris Tomlin's newest CD that my brother made me a copy of!

Planning: My day! Today the Gager and I will be running some errands around town, and hopefully buying some new fabric so I can start my sewing escapades! If I can even remember how to sew! This could be scary, friends! But in my head I have these adorable new pillows, curtains, and outfits for Gage all planned out... we shall see!

Wishing for: Long runs, long naptimes, long bubble baths. A new spring wardrobe and to lose 15 lbs all while being to eat whatever I wanted.

Ok, back to reality! Wishing to reach out and be a better friend (see yesterday's blog), wishing for warm weather to get here and stay here, wishing to become more DISCIPLINED and on more of a schedule for MYSELF. Gage already has a loose schedule going; I on the other hand do not. Today was the first morning in awhile that I've got up early and had some "me" time before he is up for the day.

Thinking about: I don't know. I have been in a fog lately. There are like a bagillion thoughts and ideas and plans that have been sloshing around in my head. I feel like But that's my heart-- my mind is like a jumbled mess. Once again, I need some organization skills.

Craving: A big, hot cinnamon roll from Neighbor's Mill. And a salted caramel mocha on the side.

Looking forward to: Planting my garden, date night this weekend, and our daily walk.

Reading: What's that? Just kidding. But I do need a new book to dive into. Any suggestions?

Feeling: Cozy, blessed, and anxious about the next few months, my growing baby, and all our summertime adventures that lie ahead!

Making me happy:  Gage's morning cuddles (he just woke up!). The sunshine that is shining in the window of Gage's room where he is jumping & I'm typing. Oh, and the flowers that I bought myself that are still so pretty on my dining table!

BFF!

Oh my word.

Today I am sad.

I miss my friend Cheyenne who is being induced tomorrow to have her second precious baby girl. I wish I could be there to meet this little angel! What a wonderful family she is being born into, though. I mean, I think her mom is pretty fab!

Now that we are on the subject- lets talk about friendships.

My heart hurts a little today as I dwell on some of mine. Some are miles away, some friendships are dwindling, some are just beginning, and some I know that no matter how many days pass by the second we are together again we can just pick up where we left off! What a blessing friendships can be!

But it takes some vulnerability, if you ask me. I have had plenty of heartache of friendships gone bad. Girls can be mean, ya know? And I have made plenty of mistakes myself. True friendships that are raw and real- ones where you put your friend before yourself and know they would do the same- are hard to come by.

Dad always told me growing up that "if you find one true friend in life then you are lucky".

As I am older now, I can totally agree to that.

I struggle to be one of those kind of friends at times! Juggling a baby, a husband, a job, my new ItWorks business, a child of God, a daughter, a sister, and a friend can be hard! All while trying to find time for myself in the midst. I fail at all of those roles daily. Thank the Lord for GRACE! Can I get an amen?!

I know that I need grace in so many areas of my life and I pray that I can be a gracious friend to others. I pray that I can open my heart to new friendships and nurture the ones I have. I pray that I can allow myself to be vulnerable and real in these friendships. But most of all I pray that God would use me to encourage and extend grace to any friend I have.

((this post was kind of random, but friendships just seemed to be on my heart today. can you relate?))

The Girl In the Mirror

I used this analogy at work yesterday and as I was talking to my client about it, little did I know it was hitting home in my heart.

Negative thoughts.

Whether they are formed from hateful words spoken by others or just lies that we begin to believe about ourselves-- they can be disastrous to our self worth.

What do you see when you look into the mirror?

Do you like that person? Or are you always beating her up in your mind? Picking out any and every flaw? Calling her names, even?

I noticed the other day that everytime I looked in the mirror I would let out this sigh of disgust. Since when did I start being so down on myself?

Self check!

What negative thoughts am I dwelling on?

What kind of self talk is going on in my head?

Whether it's "You're fat" to "No one will ever love you" or "You have to be perfect or it's just not good enough". We can begin telling things like that to the person in the mirror.

But wait.

What if we focused on the positive things?

For every negative thought- replace it with a positive one.

"I'm not fat- I ran a mile today, my body is getting stronger."

"I like my eyes, I'm going to accentuate them today."

"Someone DOES love me. My husband got up and went to work today, all to support me and give me things I need and want."

"No one is perfect, but I'm trying my best and look what I just accomplished!

Ya see why I'm saying!?

We control our thoughts...

If we allow ourselves to start hating in the girl in the mirror we are going to start feeling pretty lousy. And frumpy. And down and out.

If we focus on positive things we begin to love ourselves for who we are and learn to find beauty, even in our imperfections.

Love who you see in the mirror.

Starting today!

Weekend Shenanigans!

What a fabulous weekend!

Spring is in the air. And that fact alone made my weekend.

We started the weekend out right by a late night run to Chilis.

Ryan and I both have decided to kick the #loseyourlard challenge into high gear.

So we (reluctantly) turned down our normal corn quacamole & salsa with chips.

I got a side salad and the Margarita Grilled Chicken. It is SO good.

SO good you would never know it has just over 500 calories!

Small victory, right there. Eating out and trying to be healthy is always my downfall.

I always cave.

But not Friday night!

 

We ended the night with a midnight movie, matress in the living room floor, & a baby snuggled up between us. Makin' memories.

 

Oh, and in the middle of the midnight movie, I was surfing Pinterest.

I found the most simple way to make a turban.

Here's how it turned out.

{Tutorial to come!}

 

The next morning looked like this.

Well, after we got out of bed.

But do you see his location in the bed? Dead center.

Mom & Dad may have been scrunched- but we loved all the cuddles.

I had this thing in my head that cosleeping was like a deadly sin, and have been exhausted the past few months. We finally gave in, with no regrets.

Why it is looked down upon, I don't know, but last night Gage slept 8 straight hours.

Praise Thee the Lord.

 

After waking, we made a trip to Home Depot in the ol' farm truck.

Good times, just like the Beverly Hillbillies.

I used to be ashamed; now I just embrace it.

Lots of laughs is guaranteed when you ride in that thing.

Especially when you have a peach tree on the flatbead.

(Gage rode too & thought it was pretty fun)

 

 The rest of the day we spent working on the garden.

Gage had his first tractor ride, and cried.

It was too loud for him, but he loved to watch Daddy till up the garden with it.

Mom, Dad, Trev, & his girlfriend came down for dinner.

We grilled chicken, pork loin, veggie kabobs, & pineapple.

Yum.

We also had cous cous (or coo-coo as Dad called it haha).

 

Today has been filled with church, a Jillian workout, and lots of playing with Gage Man.

We're skipping church tonight because we're all in our pjs cuddling and the weather is pretty yucky.

I love family time.

 

I love that spring is coming and we can start getting out and about.

And introduce Gage to everything outside.

 

I love this life God has blessed me with.

Just thought I would share what happened in our neck of the woods this weekend.

Hope you had a great one as well!

6 Months

Gage Beckham,

Half a year. You've been here with us (outside of my belly) for half a year. It's almost a blur looking back, but it has been the most lifechaning, joyfilled 6 months of our life.

This month has been FUN.
You love to play!
Which is even more fun now that you can SIT UP!!! What a big boy you are.
You're pretty good at it too! We still have to be close by because you can fall sideways or backwards, but you get more balanced every day. Tonight I walked in our bedroom and sat you in the middle of our bed- I stood back and just looked at you in amazement. My little tiny baby all of a sudden a little man, sitting up like you were king of the bed. You just looked so big to me. It was one of those moments I think that will always be engraved in my mind.

You can entertain yourself for longer periods playing with your toys and tummy time isn't near as bad as it used to be for you! The other night you almost got into crawl position! Your daddy & I were holding our breath-- we didn't know what you were about to do!

EVERYTHING goes to your mouth.
And you can grab anything! It's so cute how you reach for things, sticking those little arms out as far as they will go. It melts my heart when you reach up for me, or when someone else is holding you and you reach for me.

You started sitting in your high chair this month. We put all your toys on it and it keeps you busy while I'm warming up your baby food or working in the kitchen. You love to BANG the toys around and throw things in the floor. You think it's funny when I say "UH OH" when you drop something.

Speaking of food, you are now eating squash, sweet potatoes, peas, green beans, carrots, and oatmeal cereal. We are about to try some yogurt, which is exciting! We tried some fruit and it definitely did not settle well with you afterwards, although you loved the taste of apples especially! We will try them again in a month or so.

This month we started letting you have sips of water.... especially Papa Keith, he just loves letting you get drinks. It's like you already knew how, you just grab that cup and pull it to your mouth and you CHUG! haha But seriously, you get so mad if we try to put it away. You love it! Especially really cold ice water... and so we've let you start having a sippy with a little in it every day. You may drench yourself with it, but you LOVE it. It's so cute to watch you try and tip it up and take a big drink.

You are quite a popular baby. You are getting friendly and flirty as well. At church you like to  see everyone and you will go to anyone- although when you see Momma or Daddy your face lights up. We love that.

You still remain stubborn on wanting to roll over. You can roll from side to side like it's nothing, and even onto your belly, but if we put you on your belly you refuse to roll! I know you can because you have before, so I am just going to keep working with you. I know you will on your own time.

Nighttime continues to be crazy, so crazy that I'm begging Daddy to just get us a king size bed and we'll move you in with us! When I finally get so exhausted and throw you in bed with us, you will sleep soundly until morning. You just decided you love being snuggled up next to us-- or push us off the bed, whatever you like to call it :) We usually end up scrunched on the edge halfway hanging off and you just chillin' in the middle like a king. That's ok, maybe if you keep doing that it'll convince Dad to buy us a king sized bed :) :) :)

Your little smile and giggles light up our life. Dad loves to come in and see you after work. He always brings the biggest smile to your face. If you're nursing and you hear him or Jack or the TV, you've started turning all the way over and staring at them, then you'll flip back around and get another drink, and you will just keep doing it. Flip, look, flip, drink.... It's so funny. You have quite the little personality.

It makes me sad to think the first half of your first year is over... kind of like the little baby stage is over and now we're moving onto big baby stuff like sitting up, crawling, and eventually walking. It's bittersweet, but I love seeing you learn and grow and take in your surroundings every day.

You light up our lives, Gage Man. I can't what to see what the next half year brings.

Love,
Momma

Dream On

Things I want to be:

A Loving, Patient, Fun Mama to Gage
A Loving, Submissive, Awesome Wife to Ryan
A Steadfast, Devoted Prayer Warrior & Bible Reader
An Organzied, Tidy Housekeeper
A Super Modern, DIY-er Decorator
A Healthy, Fit Worker-Outer/Runner
A Fresh Stylish Fashionista
An Outgoing, Caring, Gracious Friend
A Knowledgable, Trustworthy Nurse/Mental Health Provider
A Stay At Home Mom Millionaire

Ok, so the last one I just had to throw in there. Ha.

All of the others are something I'd really like to achieve in life.... and I'm sure there are some, or a lot, that I left out. But these are the ones that seem to be on my mind a lot. I keep having these random ideas pop into my head lately.
I've been thinking about what I want to do and who I want to be.

Some of my latest ideas include buying a sewing machine, adding some personal touches and splashes of color to my house, getting dressed and putting on makeup everyday even if I'm staying in, sending out some sweet cards or goodies to friends just because, cleaning out my closet/making new outfits out of older clothes. Ya know, things that will just make me like me a little better!

Being 6 months post baby, I'm really feeling like it's time to stop feeling and looking like a flabby bum revamp myself!

So today I'm journaling each of these and listing ways I can achieve them.
Even just framing some pictures and organizing the house a little can make me feel like such an accomplished house wife. And seriously, just a little bronzer and mascara can make me go from moping around hating myself to feeling pretty energetic and actually liking what I see in the mirror! Who knows what I'd feel like if I actually got dressed and put on my makeup everyday? Whooaaa! Watch out world!!

What are some goals you have for yourself? What ideas have you been dreaming up!
I'd love to hear what's on your heart!

Taming The Tongue

Am I the only one who struggles with this?

It's my number one battle.

Taming my tongue.

Ouch. It's not fun to admit it; to just put it out there. But it's the truth.

I can have a vicious tongue and when I get mad or upset I can let it out lash out at the people I love the most.

A lovely trait that my good ole Dad passed down to me.

 A temper and a tongue.

And in the moment it almost feels good to say something that you cuts deep to the person you are so mad at. That's messed up, I know. But that's flesh for ya. That's the part of me that is not cute or fun loving, the part of me that I'm not so proud of... that's the part of me that I oh so desperately need to work on-- the part of me that I need to allow the Lord to change.

The first step is admitting, right?

There is a lot in scripture about this; words that I can hide in my heart to battle against my flesh when the desire to lash out rises up. Because that's the only way I can overcome- by allowing God to take over where flesh has ruled for so long.

 

James 1:19-20 

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.

 

Ephesians 4:29

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.

 

Proverbs 15:4 

A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit.

 

Matthew 12:33-37 

Either make the tree good and its fruit good, or make the tree bad and its fruit bad, for the tree is known by its fruit. You brood of vipers! How can you speak good, when you are evil? For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. The good person out of his good treasure brings forth good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure brings forth evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak, for by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

 

 

Wow. Those hit home.

I want my conversation, in public and most importantly in the private of my home, to

GIVE GRACE.

I want to be known by my fruit- and I don't want it to be rotten stinky fruit, that's for sure.

 

Those are great, but I think the most convicting and in-your-face verses regarding this subject are found in James 1 & 3.

Check it out.

 

James Chapter 1:

²⁶ Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. ²⁷ Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

 

James Chapter 3:

³ When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. ⁴ Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. ⁵ Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. ⁶ The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

⁷ All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, ⁸ but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

⁹ With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. ¹⁰ Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. ¹¹ Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? ¹² My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.

 

 

I hope you took the time to read those verses. I know when there is a lot of scripture it's easy to skim, but it's well worth it to take the time to soak up each word of these. James wasn't joking around. To say if we don't control our tongue then our religion is worthless. Worthless!

Ouch.....

It also says that no human can tame the tongue...

Well, thank goodness for Jesus!

 

My prayer today is that he would transform what comes out of my mouth- and start by changing my heart. If I fill my heart with his word, delight in Him instead of focusing on worldy disappointments, etc. the overflow will naturally be GRACE instead of FILTH.

 

Where do you struggle?

In snapping at your spouse, gossiping with friends, being critical instead of encouraging?

If the words that come out of our mouths aren't bringing grace, then we must examine our hearts.

 

I'm definitely examining mine today. I pray that we all allow the Lord to transform our hearts so that the overflow of it begins to GIVE GRACE to those who hear (Ephesians 4:29).