When I was around 15 I became serious about waiting for my future husband. I prayed often for him and prayed that God would "write my love story". It was fun seeing my life unfold like a book, God as the author and myself as the main character. I prayed that I would always allow God to hold the pen.
Since then I've tried to grab the pen back many of times. Sometimes in anger. Sometimes in confusion. Sometimes in impatience.
Thankfully, God always reminds me that His way- His story- for my life is best; and I hand back the pen before I've made too much of mess of things.
Who am I kidding, I'm a mess.
SUCH A MESS.
Which brings me back to the point.....
In each "chapter" of my life thus far, although they have been totally different and life changing in their own way, there have been challenges specific to that chapter that makes me rely on God even more than before.
In high school- a conviction of purity when it wasn't popular; college decisions
In college- praying for direction in my life/career; praying for my future husband
In marriage- learning to love selflessly and realizing my own selfishness & insecurities
In mothering- sacrificing my body, my time, my career for a tiny person
Those are just some of the things I've found that have shown me my ever-growing need for an ever-loving God
In the thick of each chapter there have been many times I have wanted to quit. I felt confused, frustrated, unqualified, alone. And I found myself runnig to God.
Lately there are days where I haven't brushed my teeth or hair, I have a screaming baby in my arms, and I'm wondering how in the world I need to handle the fact that my 2 year old just dumped his whole plate of food on the floor after I nicely asked him to "not make a mess". On my own I feel clueless and SO impatient, sometimes quick to anger. But if in those moments I can take a deep breath and ask for God's help, I feel instantly calmer and assured that I CAN DO THIS. I love how God uses the messiness of my life to draw me to Him.
Each chapter has left me relying on God in it's own way, with it's own challenges. And for each chapter that's past I look back and thank Him for the challenges. They helped me know Him- and myself- so much more.
So right now I'm learning to how to be a mama of 2... and somedays I don't know how I'm going to make it until Daddy gets home from work. But I find myself asking God for help much more these days. I find myself relying on HIS STRENGTH to get me through. I find myself asking for HIS WISDOM to parent these babies and raise them right. I find myself thanking Him over and over for HIS BLESSINGS on my life as I look at the 2 most precious kiddos I've ever seen.
What chapter are you in? How are you being drawn near to God during this time?
