It's easy to think that marriage is about me. What my husband can do for me; like showering me with love, words, surprises, dates, trips, etc. How good he makes me feel inside, how happy he makes me. Can you see that the key word here is ME? I still battle these thoughts and motives, finding most of our fights stemming from me being disappointed because I feel like I wasn't getting enough attention, time, or sweet words from my hubby. Honestly, most of our fights from day one of our marriage have been about what he hadn't been doing for me. Ouch... that's tough to write. How selfish I can be. But in all honestly, I'm glad I can say that. Because I have learned that being in a marriage is not what I can get out of it, but rather focuses on one of the highest honors ever--- to exemplify the relationship of Jesus and His bride, the church.
I've posted on that before, but how beautiful of a thought that is to me! And how sad to me that I've failed so many times at my role of a wife, when I could have been honoring God and experiencing joy with my husband instead of being cranky, picking fights, and feeling sorry for myself.
The whole message of the book was simple.
Wives, honor your husbands. (Ephesians 5)
I wish it was as easy at all times as the sentence is short, BUT as wives our calling is to simply honor. Not honor when we feel he is right, when we feel he is spiritually strong enough, or even when we think he has done enough for us to deserve it (all of these are our own standards).... we are to just HONOR (which is God's standard). By doing this, we are serving God- we are pushing past what our flesh wants to do (like nag, gripe, get our feelings hurt, etc) and resolve to love him and serve him anyway, because that is what we're called to do. The book goes on to say when we as wives begin to do this, the husband will in turn begin to feel love, respect, and like a man is supposed to and start loving us the way we've been dreaming of all along. It's not just us serving and slaving away with no return, but rather, when we truly begin to fulfill our role, we see our husbands begin to come alive!
Here are some of the tidbits I got out of it. All so important in making a marriage glorious:
*Have a merry heart! (A merry heart doeth good like medicine, but a broken spirit drieth the bones. Proverbs 17:22) Men are attracted to smiles, that includes your husband! When he first fell in love with you, you were a sweet little thing, full of laughter and fun. Continue to be that girl!
*Practice joy and thanksgiving! Learn to enjoy life, be thankful, smile. When you catch yourself becoming irritated, stop and laugh at the little things that steal your peace. Count your blessings!
*Quit trying to change him! If you fight his inadequacies, both of you will fail. If you love him & support him with his inadequacies and without taking charge, both of you will grow. Wisdom is knowing what you "bought" when you married the man, and learning to adapt to him as he is, not as you want him to be. Instead, pray for him and let GOD do the work!
*Find your life in his! From the beginning God meant for us to be a comfort, a blessing, a reward, a friend, an encouragment, and a right-hand woman to our husbands- supporting him in his goals and dreams, even if we don't see the point.
*A wise women understands that her husband's need to be honored is not based on his performance, but on his nature and his God-ordained position. She learns to support his ideas or plans with enthusiam and love. She looks for ways to reverence him & knows this is God's will for her life!
There are so many wonderful points, I can't begin to share them all.
Some of the simplest are easy to overlook, but maybe the most important:
*Greet him with a smile & a hug
*Have dinner ready when he gets home, even if it's nothing extravagant.
*Don't be mad when he's late, just think it's probably minor compared to the things he faced all day at work.
*Have the house looking nice & relaxing for when he gets there, it should be his safe haven to come home to!
*Let him be the person you go to for advice & to tell all your important/exciting news- your greatest confidiant.
Ok, I hope those were fun little tidbits for all you wives out there... I totally recommend the book.
She sums it up at the end saying
"When you approach him with light in your eyes, that light will reflect back to you."
"When you approach him with light in your eyes, that light will reflect back to you."
I'm so excited to begin working on these things, trying to serve Ryan more, love him more, honor Him more. I want to do this to see how it transforms our marriage, but more importantly to know that I'm serving and pleasing God. It's all a work in progress, but I want to focus less on me and my wants and more on HIM and his perfect plan for us.
Marriage is the most precious relationship we have on earth. -Debi Pearl
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