You Are ALTOGETHER Beautiful

I'm starting to feel really pregnant. Huge, you could say. I feel like I waddle a little when I walk now. Sometimes I joke that I must be carrying him in my booty as well, because it has definitely been the other place to grow. I have gotten two sets of stretch marks, and although they aren't super red or noticeable, they go down both sides of the front of my stomach... and it bothers me.

I have never had a perfect body, and I know I never will. And I'm okay with that. Body image is something that I have struggled with since high school. Girls could eat whatever & still be stick thin, and I could eat bad for a week and gain 5 lbs. Even at my smallest I have always weighed a good 20 lbs more than my friends- I was definitely skinny then as I was playing basketball 24/7, but the scale didn't reflect it necessarily. I remember girls saying things behind my back like how they felt sorry for me because I had a "pooch" on my stomach and had never really had a flat one. Things like that engrave in a girls mind....

I feel like as women we have pressure coming from all around us to be "perfect"... In more ways than just body image, but that's what is on my mind today.  The media is now using 12-14 yr old girls as models. Of course they don't have any curves yet! They display this as "beautiful" and it leaves us girls that have a real woman's body thinking that you have to be a stick to fit the mold. Personally, I don't find that appealing, but in the back of your mind there is still pressure to lose those last 10 lbs- that you would just be happier if you looked a little better.

It's a never ending cycle.

Right after high school I gained 20 lbs pretty fast. Going from basketball, volleyball, track, etc. to NOTHING played a toll on my body! Especially as I kept eating like I was still in all those sports! It was my first wakeup call that I was going to have to work to stay at a healthy weight. So I joined a gym, started running, and by spring I was actually in the best shape of my life. That's when I grew a love for running. I had just started college, new friends, new life, and running was a huge stress reliever for me.

Since then, it's been a battle. At times I would slack on my fitness routine, indulge a little more in my eating, and be 10 to 15 lbs heavier. When I met Ryan I had just got back from MSU and was at my highest weight ever (and he had mono so he was at his LOWEST)- he was also doing some personal training at the gym, and that was more motivation than ever for me to kick it in high gear! Once again, in a few months I was down almost 20 lbs! And when we got married, I was at a very happy place as far as having a strong, healthy body. I was running, lifting weights, and eating healthy.

Then married life came, and I was so excited to make him amazing dinners every night! And of course, that always included some sort of dessert! Sure, I baked with whole wheat flour, light butter, and sugar substitutes, but our portions were WAY too large. Before I knew it I was slacking at the gym, but really succeeding as a wifey... the only prob is that I was 10 lbs heavier again!

You can see how I've battled eating healthy, exercising, and feeling happy with what I see in the mirror years. Nursing school was my hardest battle so far. I have never been more mentally drained or so busy... and it was so easy to pick up fast food & skip my date with the gym... I was on one week & off the other. Ryan and I had started a new workout program with a eating plan 2 weeks before I found out I was pregnant. The day I found out I was down 6 lbs & working out hard!

So... I went into the pregnancy not exactly where I wanted to be, and naturally I worried about what it would be like for my body to grow a little one. I was really scared of stretch marks, of outgrowing all my clothes, of gaining excess weight, etc. AND it has been a battle. When I first got my stretch marks, they really bothered me. When I went to get ready & couldn't find a thing that fit, so I wore one of the 3 dresses that I'd been switching between, it bothered me.

That sounds vain. And it is.

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 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.  Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. -1 Peter 3:3-4

...The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart. -1 Samuel 16:7

God defines beauty as something from within. He doesn't look at our outwards appearance, but at our hearts. Sure, he wants us to keep our bodies healthy, but he doesn't want all our thoughts to be consumed on and our value be based on what we look like from the outside-- especially by comparing ourselves to "beautiful" celebrities/models slender bodies (who are probably not very beautiful within anways). If we (I) focus so much on my outward appearance, we forget what truly makes us beautiful in the first place.

Woe to you, teachers of the law and Pharisees, you hypocrites! You are like whitewashed tombs, which look beautiful on the outside but on the inside are full of dead men’s bones and everything unclean. -Matthew 23:27

I DO NOT want to be like the Pharisees who put so much emphasis into their outward appearance, but God finds it worthless because on the inside they are ugly! So how can I be beautiful from within???

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. -Philippians 4:8

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. -Proverbs 31:30

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WHY IS THERE SUCH AN EMPHASIS ON BEING SKINNY, BUT NO EMPHASIS ON BEING A PROVERBS 31 OR PHILIPPIANS 4:8 LADY? The world has taken the definition of beauty & messed it up so much.  If we pursue outward beauty, we are often left feeling insecure & unhappy with ourselves, because we feel we can never reach that standard, that size, etc. But if we pursue inward beauty, we begin to bear fruit in our lives, to experience the joy of the Lord, and to RADIATE a with a BEAUTY that comes from within and REFLECTS our Savior- who is more beautiful than anything this world has to offer.

Today I was feeling a little grumpy about the extra weight I've gained, the stretch marks that have appeared, the clothes that don't fit. I needed to be reminded of what TRUE BEAUTY is. I want to glow- not with the "pregnancy" glow- but with the beauty that comes from a heart that is alive with Christ.  So I'm stopping pinning "Post-Baby Workouts" on Pinterest, and I'm going outside with a cup of coffee and my Bible.

My weight will always be a battle I'm sure, and it's okay to want to be healthy and fit and have a strong body, but when it consumes our thoughts and it begins to define our self-worth, then it is a problem. Plus, there is no mold we have to fit into to be beautiful! God loves us just the way we are- the way He created us.

So let Him whisper this to you today=

"You are altogether beautiful, my darling, And there is no blemish in you" -Song of Solomon 4:7