Silence.

Lately I have had the urge to write but when I sit down to type my fingers freeze. My brain thinks so hard about what I want to say.... and yet not a word comes to mind.

My heart has been so full. On a daily basis there are things that challenge me, move me, and stretch me as I am easing into the roles that God has assigned me in this crazy beautiful life.

But when I go to write there is just
SILENCE.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing.

I think that I'm learning to bottle up these moments in my heart- good along with bad. To sit in the moment and BE STILL. To let God speak to me and reveal Himself to me in the silence.

Sometimes I feel like I always need to be on the go, to always have something exciting planned, or that I have to be the hair done-skinny minny- put together- house spotless-awesome blogger mama.

But then I miss the moments that make life great.

If I'm doing my hair and makeup all morning and taking selfies in the mirror I'm missing laying in bed with Gage as he wakes up and cuddles with me for 15 minutes before we even getting outta bed. I miss morning playtime where I sit across from him in the floor and we giggle and learn new things. I miss sitting back in SILENCE as he plays in the floor and looks like he grew so much overnight-- hiding that image in my heart so I'll always remember.

If I rock him to sleep with my iPhone over his back (yea I've been guilty of this once or twice- but quickly learned its not a habit I want to make) then I miss taking in his sweet baby smell, memorizing the feeling of him cuddled so small on my chest, with his little hand over my heart.

But wait? Those all sound like perfect moments... and they are. But social media tends to just capture those good perfect sweet moments.

What you can't see is the pile of laundry on the other side of the room, the trash that his overflowing, and my pile of paperwork that is screaming to be done. I don't often blog about the adjustments of being parents and balancing time for ourselves and dont take a pic for Insagram of me yelling at Ryan and him slamming the door in my face. Ha! Sadly those are real moments-- but also in the silent minutes after "life happens" that is where God speaks to me and changes my heart. That's where he teaches me and shows me what I need to work on to experience lasting true joy in my life that only comes from Him.

I want to be real today.

I slept in yesterday's makeup. My house is a mess as we are in the process of getting new countertop and everything that was in my kitchen is now in my dining room. I'm loads behind on laundry. I'm sleepy because me and ry stayed up late talking about things we want to work on in our marriage. I'm hungry and the cabinets don't have many options bc I always put off getting groceries!

It's a typical day here at the Smothers.

This morning though, I'm sittin on the couch while Gage Man is sleeping in and I'm thankful for the silence. Even the silence in my heart that sometimes I feel that I don't have anything to share or write about. Because in the silence I grow. I bottle up memories. I can think clearly.

I can be still and know that He is God. Even in the midst of a not so perfect life- a REAL life.

If I ever portray that my life is so perfect and blah blah blah on social media, forgive me. I'm a huge mess! I just love to find joy in this messy life. And lately that's by just soaking up the silence.

This post was kinda random and idk of I even portrayed the point I wanted to make.

So anyway
Happy Friday y'all- this sleepy head is gonna go make some coffee now:) it's too early! (oh wait it's 9 o'clock.... oops)