My First Mother's Day

Tomorrow is going to be my first Mother's Day as a mother!

Tonight as I rocked Gage I just thanked the Lord for allowing me to be a mother. I have no doubt that being a mother is one of the biggest blessings I'll ever receive here on this earth. I am humbled by the opportunity to be Gage's mother.

Today as I teared up over the simplest of things (happy tears, that is), I realized what had changed the most in me since becoming a mother.

I had a rough patch in my life. My dad fell and was paralyzed, while he was in Colorado for rehab my 3 year old baby cousin passed away, I was denied getting in nursing school, and then about a year later we witnessed a tragic accident involving a dear friend. I was left numb. For almost a year I couldn't hardly even pray. I felt God moving in my life, but when I went to pray I just sat there. I had to believe that God knew my heart... because as hard as a tried, there were very little words that came.

And then when sad things happened, I couldn't show any emotion. There were times I wanted to cry so so bad, but no tears would come. Numb is the only way that I can describe it.

So I began praying for God to give me a tender heart again, to break through the numbness I felt. I wanted to be able to let it out; to feel again... I was beginning to feel hard and harsh and like nothing got to me anymore. And especially as a lady, I didn't want to be that way.

"Break my heart for what breaks Yours, Lord" became my prayer.

And little did I know, on September 5th 2012 he gave me a tender heart again.
Since becoming a mom, little by little the numbness has faded. The hardened skin has shed from my heart and I can feel again. And I feel so much!

Most days I tear up over something, whether it's from feeling so much joy or for my heart feeling for others or as I'm worshipping. ((I'm like "who am I?!?!?!"))

Being a mom has awakened my heart to feel again. I am so thankful.
Gage has taught me to love in a way I hadn't before- selflessly and patiently.
Unconditionally.
With a tender heart.

That's what my first Mother's Day means to me....
besides having the cutest little boy in the world! Oh, and the BEST mom EVER who I look up to (and call for advice) every. single. day. I pray I'm just half the mom that she is! She is my best friend and role model.

Happy Mother's Day to all you mama's out there!